As I am on the brink of a new journey in life I can't help but reflect on what has come before. My last great life journey somewhat ended in May 2009 but had a sequel that lasted until October 2009. That journey was graduate school and the excitement of performing in a professional production of the musical Hair in Atlanta. I earned a MFA in performing arts so it was all so perfect at the time. Being in school was perfect and then doing the show was perfect...until my student loans came out of deferment. I should mention now how much I HATE student loans. Saying the words alone causes a small ulcer. During the run of the show I tried to find a job so that I could stay in Atlanta because I liked it there and now had some great connections and new friends. This was also during the heart of the "recession" so it was pretty difficult. I was hired at a coffee shop but of course the amount they paid was not going to work at the time, with all the bills to come. Therefore, I had to put my life on somewhat of a hiatus and move back to my parents house in upstate NY.
This current period of my life, that is now about to end, has been one of the most stressful, crazy-making times of my life. I have been seriously depressed since it all went down. Obviously, money was the main reason I had to come home and so I had to have a plan to get out. I secured my old job at Starbucks (a step down because that is all that was available :-( ) and finally was hired for a full time job that paid a decent amount. I also threw myself into local community theatre, as I always do, because I can't help but perform. With all of this going on I had to decide: where was I to move when I had saved enough money? As a performer at heart I knew that where ever I was to go it had to have an actual theatre/performance scene. After much internal deliberation I decided on LA. Something told me to go there. December 27, 2010 I would go to LA and start my new journey.
The weeks leading up to the journey left me feeling anxious and unmotivated. I didn't want to pack at all, I was not as excited as I felt I should be and I just didn't have a good feeling. I continued along anyway because my sister was driving out with me and had a plane ticket bought for her way back and my friend who I was moving in with was expecting me. Thus the journey began and it was tumultuous. That is the PERFECT word for it. Snow in the southwest dampened our journey and it felt like it would never end. When we finally arrived in LA I had an instant break down in the hotel. What was I doing? I haven't known the whole year and now I did something crazy like drive across the country?! I felt completely fucked by life and not good way. My move-in friend informed me the day before that he quit his second job and money things came up so he didn't have the money really. That of course added to said break-down. I felt like I wanted to just go home to upstate NY, the place I hated. My sister left and I stayed and many plans were discussed with my friend and it all led to the final decision.
The final decision felt right but at the same time made me look crazy to everyone else in the world. Since essentially my friend let me down in a lot of ways and my brain was not into what LA had to offer, I left. I stayed in LA a week and enjoyed it but the bottom line was that I didn't want the life there that I would have had to live. I am 29 years old and I didn't need to struggle like a 22 year old right now. I started driving home because I wanted to make sure that the next place I really try to move is right for me.
This brings me to the REAL journey. The one I am very excited and happy about! The one that makes me feel like I can actually have a real life, like I feel everyone else has. In two weeks I am finally moving and the place is: Atlanta!!!! The place I knew I belonged way back in 2009 AND my sister is moving with me! Other amazing news, my best friend is moving there as well!! I mean, all signs are pointing to yes, please. That is my story. The journey is ready to unfold. The past year and a half have been so crazy that these last two weeks are killing me. There is a lot of hard work ahead but I feel ready for it. The journey to LA helped me learn a lot about myself and life, so even if it was INSANE I think it all happened for a reason. I am excited to have my life back and to get back in shape like I used to be!!
